Terry bending it like..... well Terry.

In North America Tiger Woods has galvanized himself as the world foremost carouser of women.

However across the Atlantic, in jolly old England, there is a soccer player by the name of Johny Terry, that makes Woods look like Bryant Gumbel.

Not only is John Terry married to a model caliber piece of tail, he’s gone through girls in there teens, in bathrooms, parking lots and locker rooms.

But the topper is Terry banged his best friends wife Wayne Bridge, not a big deal until you consider they play together on the same team both nationally and professionally.

"Take the dam picture!... Im out of shape!"

The day before he set up is artificial press conference, Tiger Woods also set up an artificial photo shoot.

The highly circulated Getty Images photos of Tiger Woods jogging in his Nike kit, were just another part of Team Tigers elaborate PR campaign.

Were guessing Team Tiger wanted to show Tiger doing something other than diddling cocktail waitresses.

Aren't press conferences supposed to have questions?

Tiger Woods completed his mea culpa Friday, by apologizing because his sponsors pretty much forced him too to his family and fans.

Many people wonder who Tiger hugged after his speech, first he hugged his Mom, then a Nike Rep, a Tiger Woods Inc rep, the PGA tour commissioner and couple of personal friends.

Basically a bunch of people that kiss his ass on the daily.

They dont make buttons like they used too

Tiger Woods held a short and contrived press conference today to offer up an apology to his fans, family and sponsors.

Tiger however did not offer any apologies for all the broken hearted and jilted cocktail waitresses, pro’s, ho’s and porn stars he ran through.

One porn star in particular Joslyn James was so distressed by the non-apology, she held a press conference immediately after Tigers, demanding an apology of her own.

Remember Him?

Tiger Woods is coming out of the douche bag relocation program and holding a press conference near his Florida home at 11:00am on Friday.

The press conference is being held right in the middle of the 2010 Olympics, undoubtedly for strategic reasons in an attempt to blunt the coverage and reaction.

This should serve as a template to other high profile cheaters, i.e. stay in hiding for 3 months and then finally come out with your story in the middle of a major event.

Baby Mamma Drama

Joslyn James one of Tiger Woods many mistresses claims to have been impregnated by Woods on 2 separate occasions.

James claims she was going to tell Woods about the first pregnancy but she had a miscarriage, she also claims to have aborted the 2nd pregnancy.

It still burns when he pees

Its being reported that Tiger Woods is eying a March 23rd return to golf, he will be playing in the Travistock Cup and using the event as a tune up for the Masters.

Were guessing the Travistock Cup will have a few more requests for media credentials this year.

Tiger Woods will be whacking his shaft more frequently, now that he has to abstain from sex.

It appears Tiger Woods has made an amazing and full recovery from his RPS (restless penis syndrome) and is set to be released from boning rehab this week, after just 6 weeks of treatment.

Woods will need to follow a strict regimen that includes abstaining from hostesses, cocktail waitresses and groupies.

Photo Credit: WENN

"Carmen my ears are getting cold, could I..."

John Mayer was recently asked about the Tiger Woods situation, essentially Mayer believes that there would be no story if Woods was single.  Adding, sending texts like  “I want to wear your ass like a hat”, are part of his courting routine.

One wonders if Mayers debut album would have been more commercially successful if he changed the title of  “your body is a wonderland”  to “I want to wear your ass like a hat”.

Photo Credit: PRD / Leon / Retna Digital

Tiger will try to curb his "transgressions" in boning rehab

Tiger Woods took himself out of the douche bag protection program and has apparently checked himself into the Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services in Hattiesburg, Mississippi.

As was reported in earlier by MilkDog, Woods has an obvious case of RPS (restless penis syndrome). Coupled with his addiction to cocktail waitresses, the specialists at Pine Grove will have their hands full.

Hopefully Woods can get through the program in short order, so that he can write that $300 Million dollar “Im Sorry” check, to his soon to be x-wife Elin.

Photo Credit: WENN